I want Mommy! Dealing with a Distressed Child as a Babysitter

If the child becomes inconsolable at Mom and Dad leaving for the evening, it can be very difficult to deal with and can be distressing for the child and the babysitter. There are several factors to take into account here. The child could become upset before the parents leave, which could make it very difficult (and sometimes impossible) for them to go.

It may be the first time that the parents have used a babysitter and their own anxiety may be transmitted to the child. Again, this is where good groundwork can really help. If this is to be your first babysitting job for the family, ask if they have used sitters before…and how well it went. Just knowing that they have used sitters before is no help if the experience was a disaster!

If they are leaving the child for the first time, it’s important to try and make at least one visit to the family prior to the actual job. Get to know the child (and the parents) a little. Reassure the child that you’re going to have lots of fun together and that they will be safe and happy with you.

Work out a plan with the child of what you will do while Mom and Dad are out. They may have a favorite DVD that they would love to watch with you – or a favorite game to play. Having a structure to the impending experience will lessen the unknown for the child.

If the child is young, try taking a soft toy to them a few days before and ask them to look after it for you. This will make them feel important in the relationship with you and may help to lessen the natural feelings of abandonment.

Driven to distraction…

If a child is desperately upset, remind them of that DVD or game and tell them how much you have been looking forward to it. Try and get into the distraction as quickly as possible. The longer the child remains upset, the longer it will take for you to calm them down.

If nothing seems to be working, pretending to be upset yourself can often help. It sounds a little crazy but it works. Don’t overdo it - you don’t want to upset them more. Just a few quiet, gentle sniffs and sad eyes from you can often jerk the child out of their upset and into sheer curiosity. It also momentarily gives them the upper hand in the relationship and gives them back a little power that they lost when Mom and Dad went through the door.

Keep it going…

Once you have the child’s attention, keep it. Focus all of your attention on them and have the next diversion lined up ready to take over as soon as the first one has lost their interest.

Interactive games such as modelling with Play-Doh are great as they require the child to be thinking about something else other than Mom and Dad. Role playing with dolls, plastic monsters or stuffed toys is also a great distraction.

Dealing with a temporarily broken-hearted child can be very wearing and exhausting but ultimately extremely rewarding. Just remember, it’s mainly in the planning and groundwork.

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